Today's Quote: "What is more basic than the need to be known? It is the entirety of intimacy, the elixir of love, this knowing." - Audrey Niffenegger, Her Fearful Symmetry
It is 4:00 PM and already it has been a VERY. LONG. DAY. Tough session this morning, but I don't feel like talking about that just now. Instead I will talk about food, or lack thereof. I am three days into Atkins Phase One. I am down by four pounds, which isn't too bad. But I am already so sick of everything that I'm "allowed" to eat. I don't care if I never see another egg, strip of bacon, piece of ham, or slice of cheese again. It's not that I'm hungry. I'm not. I'm just terribly bored with the lack of variety. I'm ready for a piece of toast with blueberry jam. Or a bowl of ice cream. Jack just came downstairs and told me I'd picked a bad time to start a diet because, apparently, a Sonic restaurant is opening in Manchester, the next town over. It's just a fast food place, but for some reason we love it. They serve all kinds of frosty, fruity drinks. We've been to Sonics in Florida and New Jersey, but until now there were none to be found in CT. Sigh. Only I would get this excited about a stupid burger joint.
I have stuff on my mind. Some heavy stuff and some just insignificant but annoying stuff. Here's a partial list:
- turning 40
- community
- connectedness
- jack
- home schooling / un-schooling
- purpose
- strengths survey
Maybe I'll start by talking a little bit about the first item on the list, and make my way through the list over the next several days. So, I'll begin at the beginning. Next month I am turning 40 years old. Forty! I have never, ever been one to worry about my age, or to want to hide it or lie about it. It's just a number. And besides, I love my birthday. I am grateful to be alive and enjoy celebrating the day I was born. But I have to admit that I'm actually feeling a bit unesay about turning forty. There's something about the number 40 that just sounds so old to me. More than old, it seems to imply maturity and sophistication. And I feel neither mature nor sophisticated. On the inside I feel really young, and rather lacking in sophistication. I don't own a single pair of grown up shoes. Never owned (nor have any real desire to own) a Coach purse. My clothes are distinctly unsophisticated. I wear almost exclusively jeans and sweaters or tee-shirts. I do sometimes admire my more sophisticated peers who know how to drape scarves around their neck just the right way, or who know how to put together clothing combinations which result in outfits far more trendy and more fashionable than my own. So maybe if I possessed those talents I'd feel more comfortable turning forty. I guess it's not so much that I fear 40 because it makes me feel old, but rather because it makes me feel inadequate. Like I don't have what it takes to be a successful forty year old. Too bad they don't offer any classes through the local community college on "How to Shine at Forty". I'd sign up in a heart beat!
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